2nd Beta

215

Thank you universe!

Will try not to engage in daily panic attacks until we have OB scan.

My husband has ordered every pregnancy book under the sun.  I am too afraid to read them although I did peek at one, but then felt guilty and put it away. 

We've decided to tell no one (except my  mom who knows all about the donor, etc).  However, my best friend's birthday is this weekend and she wants to do a tour of wineries.  How does one not drink on a winery tour?  This should be interesting....

Beta

75

Back to the doc on Wednesday with my fingers crossed.  And toes and eyes...you get the idea.

Worried and cautiously optimistic....

HPT Report

I woke up at 4:30 am from the weirdest dream.  In the dream I was walking around the town where I went to college, browsing in the cute stores that surround the campus.  I've done this a thousand times in real life - not really an earth shattering dream.  The weird part was that I was carrying around a bowl of my urine in anticipation of a pregnancy test.  It's a bowl I know well - I got it on the clearance table at World Market and is the perfect size for just about any dish.  (Disclosure: I did not, nor do I ever intend to fill it with my urine).

I got up and went into the bathroom.  I peed in cup and then stuck the dip stick in and counted.  Pulled it out, put the cap on,and then set it on the counter.   Walked into my closet and thought I might puke.  Told myself I was ready for plan B - and that I would just keep swimming, just keep going if it was negative.  (I've also put pictures of fish swimming on my iPhone screen saver - yes, I'm weird). 

I walked back to the counter and looked at the test.  There was a regular dark pink line but right next to it was a faint pink line.  I peered closer.  Then I went to find the instructions.  The line got darker.  Not as dark as the first line, but it was still there.  It was positive.  I'm pregnant!  I can't even believe I'm saying it; I never thought it would happen!

I woke my husband up and he immediately said, Let me see it.  Then he hugged me and said he was scared.  I said me too.  He said this doesn't mean we are going to take home a baby.  And I said I know.  But for today, I'm pregnant and I'm happy.  And grateful. 

Not sure what to think

We went in for the transfer yesterday.  Instead of taking us to the IVF suite, they took us to a consultation room.  My doc started the conversation with "On day 3 everything looked really good - really great cells and growing great." He went over the day 3 report with me while I kept thinking ok, well it's day 5 now so let's talk about that.  I interrupted him and said "But now it's Day 5 so..."

On day 5, we had eight complex morula, but no blasts.  (Way to hide the lead there, doc).  He wanted to wait one more day and see what happened.  So we did.  And today we had one 2CD blast and one early blast and nothing else.  WHAT THE HELL??????

On paper, my eggs did better than our 22 year old donor?  WHAT?  My doc said remember it's just a grade - and plenty of 2CD blasts go on to be babies.  He said donor eggs are a different ball game.  He still gave us a good shot - 40% or so.....but I can't help but think that it's already over.  Did we just get a bad donor? 

WHAT THE HELL?????