Donors

I've gotten access to five donor agencies.  Some of them are very professional and others - well, aren't.  We found a few donors we are interested in, but most of them are unproven.  All the blogs I read say PROVEN PROVEN PROVEN.  I think I agree with that, but donor love does not care about proven stats. 

My husband and I don't totally agree on what we are looking for and it's something we will have to really nail down in the next few days.  We both agree that proven is better, but not a deal breaker.  And ideally, tall-ish (I'm 5'9) and relatively fair (I have blue eyes and dark blonde hair).  Then we start to split on what we want.  My husband wants someone smart and college educated.  I agree but how do you measure someone's intelligence?  I can glean some info from their answers, but really in our society we measure intelligence by standardized tests - and then I almost wonder if we are measuring how well someone takes a test?  Also, how much of this is environment?  Absolutely some people are born with higher intelligence than others, but I think success in life is how much you work.   My husband says you have to have the tools to work with - I agree.  I think he is looking for the perfect donor - and she doesn't exist.

Well, maybe she does -- he's looking for an exact copy of me.  And my ovaries are closed.  Which brings us to the next thing - another cycle with my eggs.  I am done.  100% done.  But my husband brought it up again when we were looking at donors.  I said no.  And he also said that I shouldn't let my diminished emotional capital keep me from what I really want.

Truth?  I want a baby.  And yes, my emotional capital has been greatly diminished in the past year with all these fertility treatments.  We made some good blastocysts.  Hooray!  And if we did IVF again with my eggs, we might get pregnant (like a 10% chance), but we probably won't.  And that will be another $15,000 that I don't have to use towards donor eggs.  It comes down to how important is the genetic link?  I've thought so much about this since getting my dismal (.4) AMH numbers.  What matters to me the most is the ability to be a parent.  And 50-70% with donor eggs sounds much better, doesn't it?  He said it was my decision and then he picked some donors.  I love how men can compartmentalize everything.  I wish I could.

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