Spinning

We visited our first possible clinic for DE IVF.  The doctor, I'll call him Dr. X, was a complete asshole.  He had the most horrific people skills of any RE I've visited (he would be #5).  My husband and I were understandably nervous upon meeting him.  I expect him to lead us through the consultation - um, not so much.  He made a comment about his ex-wife having the same profession as my husband and it was ridiculous he had to pay her alimony.  Ya, lovely to meet you too. 

I realized that I would have to start the discussion and began by asking about his success rates and if I would be a good candidate for DE.  He credited his success for being 'just that good'.  Okay, thanks.  I asked him to explain the process to me and he did with obvious reluctance.   The entire appointment I felt like we were bothering him.  About 10 minutes in, I looked at my husband and gave him the look.  I was ready to leave.  Then, my lovely husband, took over and played good cop. Then Dr. X seemed more interested.  He went over the shared risk program with us and I started to feel a little better.  I began thinking maybe he just has really horrible people skills. 

BUT - then I started to drill down about why DE fails.  He said usually if someone has a really horrible uterus.  Then I asked what that meant and he said a few obvious things like a septum, endo, lining issues or previous surgery.  (Note: I had an abdominal myomectomy (fibroid removal) five years ago.  All my fibroids were intramuscular and the surgery didn't enter the endometrial cavity. In the meantime, I've had three saline histograms and an HSG - all normal as well as a million vaginal ultrasounds).  Then I asked if he thought my previous surgery was an issue.  He stared at me blankly.  He hadn't reviewed my file - he had no idea.  Then he read through the medical records on the procedure and said probably not - but who knows?  Um, maybe you should have at least an idea, Dr. X.  Just sayin...

I've also been curious about immunology and he had a speech about the hocus pocus of it all.  Those were his words.  At this point, I had decided that there was no way we would use him and then began to concentrate rather intently on the status of my manicure while my husband wrapped up the appointment.  However, then he actually had something good to say about the ASRM guidelines on the # of embryos to transfer.  He made a few really good points on the risks associated with twins and the high success rates they have with single transfers.  I hadn't really considered this mainly because when we were using my old eggs I always thought we would be lucky if one stuck.  Now with young eggs, it is much more likely. 

He won me over ever so slightly with this point.  I asked him about selecting a donor, specifically in house vs. agency.  He rolled his eyes and said I should pick someone in house because donor agencies are a pain for them to work with and the donor doesn't have to look like me, does it?  Okay - I'm done.  The advantage of using DE IVF is that the donor can resemble me - or I at least have the option. 

I tried to end the consult then, but for whatever reason he decided to make small talk with my husband.  Back to the state of my manicure.  We decided to meet with their donor coordinator since we were there.  Then I found out we didn't qualify for shared risk because of my previous surgery.  Awesome!  That would have been great to know earlier; seems like that should have been listed in the eligibility requirements.

We are obviously not going there.  I was hoping that it would be a no brainer since this clinic is in a much larger city than where we live --> more people = more donors.  I'm overwhelmed by the donor agencies and the horror stories I read online.  I am discouraged.  I felt like I was a seasoned vet at this fertility stuff, but now I realize I'm just getting started.